I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
