Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
