So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
