you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
