I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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