i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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