I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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