Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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