dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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