How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
