Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
