i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
