watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
