i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Randomize
