Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
