SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
