We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
