doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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