im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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