I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
