I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
