I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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