Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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