If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
