I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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