dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
