don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
