i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
