You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
