Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
