Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
