isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
