I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
