I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
