Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
