True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
