I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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