Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
