He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
