3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
