Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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