I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
