You're so nebulous sometimes
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
