I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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