anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
