Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
