So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dick has a subreddit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
