Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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