i just wanna soil my oats bro
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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