Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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